November 10th, 2006 by joveric
it’s quite late now. but still i couldn’t put myself to sleep. i tried almost everything to help myself out but things didn’t seem to work out. I could close my eyes but i couldn’t shut my thoughts. It seemed to function against my will and wanted to go on and on. Then I decided to give in. to let myself to stay awake. to let the pain pour out and let the unwanted tears shed for the last time.
I guesse it’s alright to cry now. i couldn’t deny anymore how much it hurt to think that the one i learned to love so much is getting married tomorrow. and not to me but to somebody else. i know i should have no worries about him. they’d been together for four years now. and according to him, this was really what they wanted to happen. a plan that had never changed even if she had to leave the country for a while,… but how i wish she did not leave him behind. if she had only stayed, he wouldn’t have longed for the love and caring he missed.,.,. and we would have had a different story.
while she was away, he and i met. he was very sweet, kind and funny. he found me when i was trying to recover from not-so-good relationship. being a good person, he offered himself to be a friend i could talk to. someone i could call and open myself when ready. he was someone who was willing to understand, laugh, and cry with me.
in his way of helping me, i know in some ways i was helping him too. until it came straight from him, how happy i made him each time he was with me. maybe because the attention and company he was giving and receiving from me were the things he needed for himself too.
on each day we spent together . we found each other wanting more from each other. we were surprised with the feelings of jealousy and the emptiness whenever were apart. 
deep within me i knew that a stronger feeling was growing inside me. and looking unto him, i know that there were unspoken words he was trying to hide from me. until the shouting truth could no longer be denied. i wouldn’t forget that very moment when he honestly told me that it wasn’t easy for him to say it knowing it wasn’t right and it wasn’t fair but i just have to know that he loves me so much. 
i didn’t want to lie to myself anymore. i didn’t want to resist him. i couldn’t be just a friend to him. and i know then that i should let him to discover how much love i had for him. we were happier after that confession. and for a moment we tried to reject the reality of her existence.
i was aware of the consequences i might face and God only knows i didn’t want to hurt anybody. but every time he held me in his arms, nothing seemed to matter. i just wanted to stay there under his care. i wanted to steal that moment in time and keep it forever.
in my mind i knew it was wrong, but my heart refused to understand. in him i could be a child; with my being fragile, he made me felt secure and protected. and with all his caring he brought me up to be a better person. he helped me grow and to blossom into somebody i never thought i could be.
but just like summer that had to give way for the rainy days, the time came for me to let him go. she’s back and there were promises to be fulfilled. there were dreams that needed to be realized and wrongs that should be made right. tomorrow, he’d be walking the aisle with her, and of course, i understood. i should understand. 
i couldn’t say it was alright. i was crushing inside but i couldn’t show it. i didn’t want to know that i was breaking apart. i promised him i would be fine. we’re talked about this before and we’ve prepared ourselves for this, but still, why did it hurt so bad.
i just knew i had to go on. i got to hold on to every strength left in me. this would be a tough battle but i knew i wouldn’t fight alone.
i said goodbye for the two of us. the words i should have said long ago. our paths that crossed once should separate now. but i should carry his memories with me to whichever way i would go. i would go always cherish his words in my heart; "you will always be a special part of me. thank you for the magic we shared together. nobody could take this away fro you and me."
i dedicate this to my best friend nina grace nate and to may who also her friend.,. and to all women behind all pmmaer’s life.,., i salute you for patiently waiting and for continually loving your respective partners. and to some that will always be in my heart. thank you 4 reading this!!!!!!
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July 14th, 2006 by joveric
Some people don’t believe in soul mates
They won’t accept there is one person out there
Just for them to spend lives with.
But I believe because I have seen and I have felt
I know what love is now
That someone came along and I could not help
But listen to that inner voice
I new I had to speak up go against the nerves
I told him everything .
I explained as well as I could
I asked for his understanding
I wanted him to take me seriously
Some people get married start a family
Have so much but they never meet their true love
They just think they do.
But I know I have for sure met my one my soul mate
I do anything to protect him to save him from hurt and to keep his pride
I’d do it even if I never get anything back off him.
Because it’s not in the things he says or does
It’s something deeper that cannot be explained
Don’t ignore your intuition even if it seems insane
Your intuition is everything your key to the beautiful beyond
Where feel something so strongly you can’t believe its reality.
Of course it hurts and there are many tears
So much frustration even jealousy
But the love is so strong it beats all those things when it comes to it
And some of us may not get to live our lives with our soul mate.
We may not even get to share a kiss.
But when you look at them you just know
And your so thankful they were in your life at all
Because even when they are gone you can feel your love for them go on.
And you want reciprocation so much
Yet when push comes to shove you care more about your love for them
Rather than they love for you
And you have a reason to be forever grateful
As you weren’t one of the ones to be blind who thought love was
Just a crush you are one of the ones who got to really love
And that love will last weather they stay in your life or not.
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June 5th, 2006 by joveric
yeah, i guesse this is the best line I can use to describe my life now..,. no direction,., lifeless. I never dream or want this, but i guesse all people ( not only me ) will come to this point.,.,. when everything is .,.,.,. lalang!
Posted in an open journal of my life | No Comments »
May 6th, 2006 by joveric
Love has multiple aspects. It manifests Itself as care, tenderness, devotion, self-sacrifice, active service to God, which is realized through service to other people called karma-yoga (work not for reward but for the sake of God), and in many other ways.
But the “foundation” of love is constant staying with one’s consciousness in anahata, transforming oneself as consciousness — through this — into constant emotion of love that is being radiated on all people, all living beings. One of the principal manifestations of love is tenderness, including the sexual aspect of it. It should be noted here, that the ethically correct sexual life directly contributes to developing the ability to love.
God is Love. If we want to Merge with Him, we have to transform ourselves into Love as well — into consciousness, constantly being in the state of Godlike Love. This is when we become those disciples of God whom He grants all other aspects of wisdom and then accepts in Himself. This is the principal condition of one’s being able to walk the Straight Path to Him.
But those, who oppose love — oppose God.
Upon developing his spiritual heart, an adept of the Straight Path learns how to expand it beyond his body limits — first for several meters, then to fill the whole Earth with it and then — even wider. This is the optimal way of breaking identification with the body and also the correct way of growing individual consciousness and of gaining experience of being and acting without the body while it is still alive.
The person that has developed himself to such a level, sheds all attachment to his body and does not fear the death of it anymore: since he finds out that now it does not matter for him whether he has the body or not. He is sure that the death of the body will spare him the unnecessary earthly trouble. For such a hero the moment approaches, when the Creator will reveal Himself to him and let him in His Abode.
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April 21st, 2006 by joveric
I am a dreamer,
a dreamer is all I can be.
I dream of so many things,
dreams that I wish were reality.
As I lay myself at night to sleep,
I pray to God the memories I keep.
as I gently close my eyes and relax,
I wish that I would dream of you.
I dream of you in so many ways,
a dream so beautiful, so real…
your arms around me while we kiss,
the feeling of true love with such bliss.
as I kept on dreaming, I prayed…
“Lord, please make him mine someday!”
and as I kiss in my dream, my man said:
“I am yours… and always will be!”
I woke up with tears in my eyes,
knowing it was all a dream.
as I turned to my right to wipe my tears, I smiled,
my heart just leaped and almost went wild.
Right next to me is an angel,
an angel in my dreams was my man.
the man I have longed, prayed, dreamed and cried for,
the angel that I will love forevermore!
By: Spring Torres
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